Wednesday, September 3, 2008
The hardest Mile I've Ever walked
I guess the reason why we could never work things out is because you were too proud to forgive me for something I really was sorry for.
To let go isn't to forget, not think about, or ignore. It doesn't leave feelings of anger, jealousy, or regret. Letting go isn't winning, and it isn't losing. It's not about pride, and it's not about how you appear, and it's not obsessing or dwelling on the past. Letting go isn't blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, and doesn't leave emptiness, hurt or sadness. It's not giving in or giving up. Letting go isn't about loss, and it's not defeat. To let go is to cherish memories, but to overcome and to move on. It is having an open mind and confidence in the future. Letting go is accepting. It is learning and experiencing and growing. To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry and made you grow. It's about all that you have, all that you had and all that you will soon gain. Letting go is having the courage to accept change, and the strength to keep moving. Letting go is growing up. It is realizing that the heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy. To let go is to open a door, and to clear a path and to set yourself free.
The hardest mile I've ever walked was the one away from you.
Yet, regardless if you love them or hate them, wish they would die or know that you would die without them, it matters not. Because once in your life, whatever they were to the world, they became everything to you. When you look them in their eyes, travelling into the depths of their soul, and you say a million things without the trace of sound, you know that your life is eventually consumed within the rhythmic beatings of their heart. You love them for a million reasons. No paper would do the justice. It's a thing, a feeling, only felt by you.
I forgot about you for a while, but then I saw you again in my mind, just instantly flashed back to the time when I thought that we were happy; I know I'll never hold you like that again.
All I ever did was love you too much.
I think letting you go was the smartest decision I ever made. Even though I loved you so much, I just couldn't deal with the pain. And, the times we spent together, holding each other, were the best times of my life. But no matter how much I wanted to keep you in my arms, I couldn't. I couldn't hold on to you, knowing that all you were going to do was hurt me. But right now, even though I still love you, I don't need you anymore. I don't need you to complete me. I just need you to comfort me when I'm sad, support me, and listen to me when I talk. So, I guess what I'm saying is, I'm glad we're over. I'm glad I've let go.
I've accepted that we can't be, but I've also accepted that you're going to be that one person I carry with me for the rest of my life, the one that I always going to make my heart jump a little and my stomach tie up in knots no matter how happy I am otherwise and no matter how long it's been. The one I will always secretly wish had asked me to the dance even though I am more than happy with the guy that did. Do you realize how incredibly difficult it is to accept both those things at once? It's a completely torturous situation if you stop and think about it.
Once I swore I would die for you, but I never meant .. like this.
one day you will ask me, what is more important,
you or my life? and i will answer, my life, then
you will turn around and walk away...not knowing
that you are my life...